secretlyphychoxo:

I never used to put much meaning into my life. Never really gave it another thought about what it would be like dying. I was selfish, and never really gave enough time to look around me and see how many people there are around me that love and care for me. That all changed because of my accident. This was a horrible experience that me and my family and everyone close to me had to deal and i had no idea what was even going on. I didn’t think it was that big a deal, but waking up and seeing the people around and all the thing surrounded around me in my room. It was a lot bigger than what i thought. 

I got in an accident two weeks and three days ago. I was told everything was going to be okay, but i knew there was something wrong and it went a little deeper than just what they thought. Come to find out i was bleeding internally and i had lacerated my liver pretty bad.  Things took a turn for the worse in the matter of seconds. My blood pressure was dropping by the second and i was loosing blood faster than they thought. They called a helicopter in so i could be med flighted to Mass general, but come to find out the helicopter had been late, and it was looking like i was not going to make it unless something was done FAST.  They called off the flight and had to take matters into there own hands as i laid down on the stretcher a paleish yellowish gray color.  It didnt look good. & thats were everything became a blur i was put into emergency surgery and luckily they had an exploratory surgeon there to help. They opened me up and packed me with sponges and gauze to stop the bleeding. After about thirty minutes of that they called up another helicopter to fly me to maine medical where they had a liver specialist.

I sat at maine medicall opened up from surgery for three days, in which time i was awake but none of which i remember. My surgeon at MM Dr. Winchell told me that the doctor at wentworth had saved my life. I wouldnt have made it in time to get anywhere the bleeding was too bad and that is exactly the same thing he would have done with me if he were to do the surgery.  I was informed of all the details of what happened to me after i woke up and was coherant on saturday, after thinking that i was still in New Hampshire at Wenthworth Douglass.  My room was surrounded with get well soon cards and gifts for me.  I dont think I’ve ever had that good of a feeling waking up three days later and knowing how many people there are around me that love and care for me, and thanks to all of them i could not have done this without them. 

So to all those people out there who think about taking their lives… Please think twice. I used to be the same way, but your view really changed the second you have a near death experience and you realize how many people there really are around you that love and care for you even if you dont always see it.. They’re there, and there are soo many people that would be devistated. Life has a meaning, and you where put here on this earth for a reason. You may not know that reason right yet, but its your job to figure it out. There is a plan out there for everyone, that i truly believe now. There was truly someone, or something watching over my shoulder that night and i could not be more thankful to still be here today <3

Jamie I’m so happy to see that you’re doing better. You have been on my mind quite a bit recently. I love you and I’m so glad that you’re still here with us <3